Sick

Fever, cough, runny nose, you name it. All in one package, maybe it's the weather change like most people say. Anyway I'm not tooo sad about it, cos some nice person has been chatting with me every night these past few days or a week or more already. Makes me happy, hope she doesn't reject me again the next time I ask her out, which would be soon I think.

All this sickness is making my hormones weird, pimples are coming out of my face, hope I get better soon.

Nothing much to blog about these few days, busy with school, exams and stuffs and lots of lab reports. And remember to carry a smile everywhere, it works wonders.

Oh noes

First she flew me aeroplane(cancelled last minute), then now she's playing hard to get, oh noes, this isn't helping. Guess I don't like it when they do that or maybe I'm thinking too much. What I like being with her is perhaps I can be myself, previously when with others I just cant seem to be myself, I find that hard to be myself, but with her, it all seems natural, maybe that's why I like her so much. But well I don't really know if she likes me or not, starting to feel that she's not gonna make it easy. And I'm the one being the blunt one, saying flowery stuffs straight up, maybe I might have scared her off perhaps. Oh please God don't make me get a heartbreak from this one, I do have a good feeling about her and I still believe I have found her.

Hmm maybe I should only say I've found her after I got her, no use saying finding and yet not getting. Oh well there are other possibilities, I really don't know how things will turn out but I know I don't wanna waste too much time on someone who would probably end up playing me. This heart of mine has probably gotten wary, don't know if it's good or not.

Repeated

Well, it is repeated yet again, wonder when this cycle ends. The last time this happened, I got a big heartbreak, so I'm starting to get skeptical now. It still hurts on my side, again time to look around.

Oh drum lessons now, seems I have not lost my touch yet. Should be good. So tired, sleepz.

I know

I know that God is looking out for me. For he has helped me and helping me in my troubled times. The things I go through is the best evidence that God is helping me a lot in my personal life.

Today's church session was very different from what it used to be normally. Maybe cos most of those attending just finished a 3 day 2 night church camp and were still very into it. The whole atmosphere was very different, i can sense that people were tired yet when they sing they gave their all, they jumped around, prayed a lot and I could sense the sincerity in them. It was definitely a very different experience from normally. To those first time attending or not used to seeing people jumping around in church might mistook it as some rock concert. Guess people just need to get used to it, most leave cos they just cannot understand how people can jump around for God, well I guess it's a personal thing. There is no rule that says you must jump around when singing to please God, it's just a personal thing, you jump because you jump for God.

I am starting to slowly see the difference God has made in my life, the changes that are happening. And I'm starting to realise that whatever that has happened happened for a reason. Sometimes we would never understand why things are the way they are until we reach the future and look back.
Last week someone in my lab group told me to smile more cos I look like I'm angry at something if I dont smile, haha, I wasnt angry at anything and guess that person is right, I should smile more, and I felt that when I smile more, good things seems to happen more often. :D

Are you the one I have been looking for so long?

Trip

Today I went to Genting with my friends to have fun, take some rides in the theme park and throw some ice in snow world. There I felt something, my heart was tingling, I don't know if she's the one or not, but there were little hints here and there. I did think about it last semester but just never in that way. But that was the important part, my heart was tingling, normally it's dead cos it can only think about one person at any time. Maybe I am over you already.

It was a fun and very tiring day, I need some rest.

Flowers

Today I remembered something a friend said about me about almost a year ago, strange that I remembered it today. He knows what I went through that the things that happened to me and yet he said that I'm a pretty positive person. Now that is an irony, last time for much of the time I was sad and depressed, so how can I be described as being positive. But the truth is that even after all of those things, I am still here and still getting myself broken over and over again, but I'm still here. There was a day not too long ago, less than a year, the whole day I was in bed, thinking of only one thing, to end it or not. I guess God must have prepared something great for me that I am no longer thinking of that and going for what I believe in. Looking back I felt so foolish.

So now I guess I'll have to start yet again from scratch, you are no longer in the face I see, I have lost your face in the person I want to find. I know the feeling is still there, but I also know that as time goes by, as new things come, one day the memories of you will be replaced with the new ones. Funny how I can get hooked on things that never happened.

I know you are out there somewhere, the flower of my life. We may not have met yet or maybe we already had, but one day our paths will cross. I know someday I will find you, and that day you will find me too. I should be more bold, I guess it doesnt matter how many times I get myself broken because I know that when one day I finally found you, it was all very very worth it.

Why am I.......what are these tears......