Huhuhu

Today I suddenly had a revelation...it was painful to suddenly realise the same problem is arising. One of my friends mentioned it and I suddenly kept quiet, into deep thought. I suddenly realised that...even though I can like her a lot, I may sacrifice lots for her...but in the end...I dont think she will want to leave this place...

Suddenly the mood's all changed...the optimism is starting to ebb away...a dull feeling overcoming me. I'm starting to be confused...I need...someone that understands me. Why is this happening again...

Time

The other day I saw her made a wish, I can still remember how she looked like with her eyes closed and hands together. She must really want that wish to happen. And then I was deciding what wish I want to make, but...in the end I did not make any wishes. On one side maybe I was scared of the dissappointment I would get if it didnt come true, on another more painful side, somehow...I dont want my wish to clash with hers. If she wished for someone else, I'd rather let it come true than for me to wish for her. Sometimes the nice guy in me really pisses myself off.

Well today was a good outing, even though it didnt end as what I wanted...well things never go as planned anyways. A big rainy day to top things up, how nice. I'm sure she'll be emo considering the "importance" of this day. But well nothing I can do, for now I can only walk beside her, I dont know for how long, could be a while, could be a long long time.

I guess when it comes to love, someone has to get hurt.

The way

I really hope that the one who shows you the way out is me.

Siiiiiiiiggggggggghhhhhhhhh, just wanna let out one. Hopefully good things happen after exams, I can only wish.

Reality hits

I guess the stage of euphoria is over, back to reality.

It's just ironic that the girl I like so much just broke up with her boyfriend. But the hard part is that she doesnt seem to want to move on. Perhaps the whole thing is still fresh in her mind and she's hoping that they can get back together.

What can a guy do seeing the girl he likes still in love with someone else. It's like you're the supporting actor in a romance movie, their romance movie. I'm dumb if I dont go after the girl I've been waiting for so long, but am I more dumb if I go after her knowing she wants to keep her feelings for that guy? Feels like I have to play the bad guy...

Oh God please help me on this, it's just......insane...how long must this go on...

Is this being able to understand the plight of others a blessing or a curse?

Help

I really want to help her, but this problem isnt one where others can help much in. She has to find that strength from inside to overcome it, I know it wont be easy for her, but I pray that she can do it. I don't know if our paths met so that I could help her out of this problem only or something more, perhaps something that I have been looking for. Suddenly reminds me of a phrase I used to say, "Don't chase what goes, Don't refuse what comes".

There is nothing wrong in being positive in new adventures I guess, keeps the optimism and enthusiasm there. I guess I'm already at the stage where I don't count on what I get in return, but count on how much I gave. Sometimes I may have given out too much, but I will even give out more, and most of the time nothing returns. Maybe I've already lost faith in people, I just dont expect them to return any favours I gave, and yet I'm just too nice a guy to not help others.

Life is sometimes so...ambiguous.