Garlic

Guess I calmed down a lot already, being rejected no matter in what form still hurts even though I'm probably "used" to it, what a sad and pathetic way to describe myself. The sick part is I keep getting reminded of that moment where I believed you are the one. Feels like I'm becoming Harvey Dent, like the devil is playing me all along until I lose my mind and create chaos. I ask myself why am I doing the things I do and my answer is a disastrous and simple I love you. I'm probably resigned to always be giving in exchange for nothing in return. I want to hate you but that love is too much and overrides everything else. When I felt that the trip was all but a waste, again that moment came up, making me believe that just for that one moment, it was all worth it, even though the end wasn't good.

I better get myself in the right frame of mind before the new semester begins next week. Don't want to be chugging this sad emotions along, it's bad for health and who knows what would have happened if I were able to not be bothered by this feelings.

I shall turn to my idol in my heart, she seems to be able to soothe my heart when in need. Then again I once hear that idols are for lonely and useless people, for them to dream about what is impossible and just looking for acceptance in their own dream world. Oh well who cares, so long they dont go around hurting people, they are allowed to dream about.


Love Hebe, funny how I have the same birthday as her. Makes me feel like there's a special connection with her, then again many people has the same birthday as me but I just don't know who. Well it just makes me feel special, nothing bad about that.