echoes

Today I played a game of go and it was a hard one, my opponent knew how to play and both of us pretty much never made simple mistakes. I was pressed pretty hard and by mid game I have already given up and things doesn't look good for me, I've lost the fight in the corners and was pressed into the middle. Normally I would have lost by a lot, but somehow I manage to cut his territories smaller and in the end won by 3.5 moku. In terms of territory I lost but I ate more stones than him and with the 5.5 moku I managed to squeeze through. A messy game from noobs if a pro saw this, I played black, final score was 63 vs 59.5.



What is the point in life? To find love? To get our hearts broken? To earn money? To have a family? Everyone would have asked those questions before at some point in life. I have been asking them for more than a decade. And I fell into depression asking them, my brother then lent me a book to read which is titled, "The purpose driven life" and not surprisingly it talks about God.

"A life devoted to things is a dead life, a stump, a God shaped life is a flourishing tree"
Proverbs 11:28

It's pretty much easier for a girl/woman to love God because he's portrayed as a male, which makes it hard for men to actually develop those feelings for him, unless it isn't hard for them to develop men to men feelings. Why was God not portrayed as a woman? That would make it easier for men to love her, of course sometimes harboring perverted thoughts which are nono.

"For God has planted them like strong and graceful oaks for his own glory"
Isaiah 61:3

So well perhaps we live to serve God, that is if you want to believe that. I would not argue with that, my family is Christian and so am I, just that I have never been serious about religion. Not that a person must be serious and become a pastor of sort, just that to treat it as something more than just a way to do good.

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It has been a while since I had any dreams after taking medication, most of the time it's sleep and wake up, a few days ago I had a dream. One thing I don't like about my dreams is that most of the time they are the future deja vu. It's like peeking into the future, so I get sad when I dream about something bad. But this dream wasn't bad, in fact it should make me happy but looking at the present I hardly see that dream becoming a reality, but who knows. Things might just happen.

One sided romance hurts, not because the other person cannot return the love, but because you expect the other party to return it. And because we have expectations and they are not met, we get frustrated and sad and it starts hurting inside. We start to question ourselves why aren't we likeable, which part of me don't you like, what can I change to make you like me....etc. It's better to just give love and not expect anything in return. It's hard to learn that, it took me a long time to learn that feeling. Yes it hurts initially to be the only one giving, but giving starts to become a joy. And if they ever did anything nice to me, that kind of happiness is really priceless.



No no I did not learn that after reading this manga, but I just happen to read it. Fun to find all these few boxes of pictures with meaningful words. All right too much pics for a day, I might run out of them if I keep writing. It's strange how much crap I can write about in a day.