Empty and empty as it is, even Beethoven's Spring Sonata could not wake me up from this current dull black and white world. Maybe it's because the drummania I love to hit so much isn't here, actually there is one machine, however the hi-hat is broken so also no point playing. Maybe I should learn a musical instrument to keep myself busy, and also get myself a pet dog that would not make me lonely. But I'm still waiting for a Corgi or a Jack Russel to appear on the ads. They're pretty rare here in Indo, but I think there would be a time when they appear.
Yesterday I played Go after a long time againts someone about my level, it was a close game, both of us made many mistakes. I thought I have lost the game when I made a mistake and lost the fight on the right board but turns out he made a bigger mistake when fighting on the left board and in the end I was able to win by 30+ moku, but meh it did not even register any feelings. I played White, final score was 141.5 vs 111.0.
It used to have someone there, but a few weeks or perhaps months that feeling was gone, feels like someone else robbed those feelings but decided to dump it right away. Or perhaps it has come to this because of my realisation that I could never get that whom I like. Aimlessly walking for hours and yet fate was not kind to me, or perhaps fate never was involved at all.
Being empty is good for one thing, you don't actually feel much, every feeling is suppressed, bad in a way that you can't laugh hysterically and good in a way that you can't really cry your heart out. A monotonous feeling, a painless feeling, subtle and bitter, given time it might manifest into something far worse.
It doesn't seem that my writings ever change, always without structure, much like the ramblings of a madman. Like Rachmaninoff's Piano Concerto no.2, depressing but in this case, the happy and lively end was not reached. Like the wilting bud that has not got a chance to bloom. Like the salmon that swam upriver but got slapped out by the hungry bear. Yep perhaps finally I'm crossing the line to join the people with Beethoven's and Einstein's hair.
Yep I've been watching the JDrama Nodame Cantabile recently, that's why I'm using a few classical pieces, they are really nice. The acting was really good and the show won several awards including best actress and director, the opening song was perfect using Beethoven's Symphony no.7 which was also played twice with the orchestra in the show. Talk about coincidence, I bought an orchestra DVD a few days before I even watched Nodame Cantabile and it had that piece. The conductor was Carlos Kleiber who has already passed away but just watching him lead the piece makes me get goosebumps. Bravo Maestro!
Well I hope I can write often like I used to, you know people tend to write more when they are not happy as being happy is boring, that's why Korean dramas are popular, cos they are mostly sad.
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